‘Holding’ an Employee – often the most we can do

Holding and containing an employee is often more important than providing a solution. And most importantly, it is okay as a ‘people person’ not to know what to say in a challenging 1:1 conversation, even to feel unsure. Being fixated on delivering a solution ‘no matter what’ (which can derive from pride, immaturity, or insecurity) can shift meaningful 1:1 conversations in a direction that serves neither the HR professional/Team Leader nor the employee. It loses its authenticity and the connection can disappear in seconds.

Holding is often the most we can do – and it is a skill we can develop. I remember how stressed I felt in the early years of my career as an HR professional and coach. In a helping role, it is very easy to get lost in our own internal pressure to fix, advise, or perform, instead of staying present and focused on the employee.

But what is the theory of holding, and what does it really mean in a professional context?

Winnicott’s theory of holding originates in early developmental psychology. He described how a caregiver provides an environment in which an infant feels psychologically safe, which supports the development of a stable sense of self. Importantly, “holding” is not merely physical, it refers to an emotional and relational environment that allows experience to unfold without overwhelm.

Bion’s concept of “containing” builds on this idea. He described how a caregiver processes and makes sense of an infant’s raw emotional experiences, helping transform overwhelming feelings into something more manageable and meaningful.

These theories describe early developmental processes. In the workplace, they are not about recreating parental roles or family dynamics. Rather, they offer a lens to understand a fundamental human need: psychological safety in moments of uncertainty, stress, or emotional intensity.

So how might these concepts apply at work?

In an organisational context, holding means creating a professional space where difficult thoughts, uncertainty, frustration, or vulnerability can be expressed without immediate judgment or premature problem-solving. It is not about “mothering” employees. It is about offering psychological steadiness.

By cultivating a supportive and respectful culture, HR professionals and team leaders can help employees feel safe enough to think clearly, reflect, and regain perspective. This sense of safety can increase engagement, trust, and ownership, not dependency.

One way to create this holding environment is through open and grounded communication. Just as containment in psychology refers to making sense of emotional experience, in the workplace it means helping an employee articulate what is happening for them, without immediately jumping to advice or correction.

Active listening, thoughtful pauses, and reflective responses signal: “Your experience can be explored here.”

The holding and containing mechanism becomes particularly relevant in 1:1 conversations where an employee may feel stuck, overwhelmed, or conflicted. In such situations, the HR professional’s role is not necessarily to solve the issue immediately, but to stabilise the space so the employee can think and speak more freely.

This means being present, listening without defensiveness, and tolerating uncertainty. It often means resisting the urge to rescue. By holding the space in this way, the HR professional supports the employee’s own capacity to process, decide, and act. The goal is not dependency, it is strengthening autonomy.

HR professionals are not therapists, and the workplace is not a therapeutic setting. However, developing strong relational and listening skills is part of responsible leadership. Supporting employees through professional challenges requires emotional steadiness, self-awareness, and clarity about boundaries. When issues exceed the professional scope, referral to appropriate support resources is essential.

Developing the ability to hold and actively listen takes practice. A few steps can support this development:

Practice active listening:
Give full attention. Listen to understand, not to respond. Notice your impulse to fix and pause.

Develop emotional literacy:
Understanding your own emotional reactions helps you stay grounded when others express strong feelings.

Seek feedback:
Invite colleagues, mentors, or employees to reflect on your communication style and presence in difficult conversations.

Invest in development:
Training in communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence strengthens your capacity to stay steady under pressure.

Overall, incorporating the concepts of holding and containing into leadership practice does not mean creating family dynamics at work. It means recognising a basic psychological principle: people think, decide, and perform better when they feel psychologically safe enough to process their experience.

Sometimes, holding the space is not a passive act. It is the most skilful and responsible leadership move available.

• Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: studies in the theory of emotional development. International Universities Press.
• Bion, W. R. (1962). Learning from experience. Basic Books.
• Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. The Guilford Press.
• Hogg, M. A. (2001). A social identity theory of leadership. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(3), 184-200.